About this resource
Many couples get stuck in the same argument. This worksheet helps each partner map one recurring pattern, what sets it off, how each person reacts and what happens next, then reflect on the needs underneath and the repair steps they would like to try.
Purpose
To help each partner understand their part in a recurring pattern and the needs beneath it, as a basis for joint work on repair.
Who it is for
Primary profession: Counsellors and therapists.
Client or participant group: Adult couples in relationship counselling where safety screening has been completed.
Practice setting: Couples and relationship counselling, completed individually before joint discussion.
Suggested uses
- Couples counselling sessions
- Between-session reflection, completed individually
- Exploring recurring conflict
- Planning repair after arguments
Instructions for practitioners
- Screen for family violence and coercive control before any joint work, following your procedures.
- Do not use this worksheet where there are safety concerns; offer individual support instead.
- Ask each partner to complete it separately.
- Use responses to explore the shared pattern in session, without blame.
- Agree one or two repair steps to try.
Instructions for clients or participants
- Complete this on your own.
- Choose one argument that keeps happening.
- Think about what you need underneath it.
- Bring it to your next session.
Accessibility considerations
Can be discussed rather than written. Offer interpreters and be mindful of cultural expectations about relationships.
Scope and limitations
A reflective counselling resource for couples where safety screening has been completed. It must not be used where family violence or coercive control is present or suspected.
Higher-risk topic: use only within your training, supervision and organisational procedures.
Research basis
Couple therapy improves relationship satisfaction and communication compared with no treatment.
- Roddy, M. K., Walsh, L. M., Rothman, K., Hatch, S. G., & Doss, B. D. (2020). Meta-analysis of couple therapy: Effects across outcomes, designs, timeframes, and other moderators. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 88(7), 583–596. https://doi.org/10.1037/ccp0000514
What is included
A 3-page printable A4 PDF, including a practitioner notes page with the research basis (version 1.0).
Originality
Original Practitioner Plus content: wording, activity structure, layout and icons were created for this resource. No third-party worksheets, illustrations or text were reproduced.
